Trapped!
by Nayhleii
Summary: George, Jon, Alanna, and several new Hilarious additions are caught below ground in a cave. With no hope of survival and only eachother to talk to their wits take over in verbal duels.....................................Pg-13 for Language and Terminology.
1. Smenis

This is a script I wrote for Alanna. Be calm. Be cool. Basically I was bored and hyper. If I get good reviews I might ever continue. Lol  
  
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Narrator: Alanna went on a an adventure with Jon and George. They got stuck in a deep cavern somewhere near Tirragen Lake. It is dark. And cold.  
  
Alanna: Damnit. It sure is dark and cold in here.  
  
Narrator: Slowly Alanna's mental health starts to dwindle. With only George and Jon to keep her stable.obviously there is not much luck.  
  
Alanna: Jon. Why did I ever kiss you?  
  
Jon: What are you talking about?  
  
Alanna: Jon. Why did I ever kiss you?  
  
George: *Cough* Alanna. Please. What ever conversation that may follow that comment will seriously scar me.  
  
Jon: Because I am a rugged sexy beast. See my beard? I'm a hottie with a body and a cutie with a bootie and .what's something the rhymes with kingdom?  
  
Narrator: George took thismoment to establish dominance, and muttered under his breath.  
  
George: (Mutters under his breath) Small Dong.  
  
Jon: I heard that George.  
  
Alanna: Actually it is quite Large.  
  
Narrator: Alanna last comment made George crumple into a heap on the ground and try to melt into the floor.  
  
George: In order to satisfy my Male pride, which by the way is something you should not toil with, I need you t never remind me of that fact again. EVER.  
  
Alanna: Geez. Chill. I'm just saying. It's not like I've never seen it before. I was disguised as a boy for eight years. Remember?  
  
George: It's not that you saw it, Lass, It's the circumstances that you saw it under, and the proximity it was from your--  
  
Narrator: George is promptly cut off as Alanna belabours him about the head an shoulders.  
  
Jon: Hahahah Alanna, you slept with me!!! I was a good ride was I not? You should have married me. I'm WAY hotter. AND I have money and power.  
  
Alanna: And about twice as much ego!  
  
Narrator: Alanna added this last comment so enthusiastically, that Jon didn't realise..  
  
Jon: Yeah! You see!. Wait a minute.  
  
George: My head hurts.  
  
Alanna: Serves you right. You neednt remind me of all of the filthy mistakes I've made in my life.  
  
Jon: Are you calling me filthy?  
  
Alanna: If you don't call Ghonorea, Syphilis, AIDS, Genital Herpes, yellow, rotting teeth and years of bacteria building up beneath your nails filthy, then I would HATE to see what you dub as clean food.  
  
Narrator: Seeing as how Jon is too dense to understand the humour in that comment, he didn't laugh.  
  
Jon: But I'm a sexy king! (He whimpered)  
  
George: Think again small cock!  
  
Alanna: It's bigger than yours.  
  
George: Or it was, till someone kicked his mom's chin.  
  
Jon: I don't get it.  
  
George: (Irritated that his humour was wasted) Your mom's jaw was kicked, thus she bit half of your smenis off.  
  
Alanna: HAHAHA Smenis. Like Small Penis. I get it  
  
George: I had hoped you would.  
  
Narrator: The conversation continued much to this effect for several hours . 


	2. Nayhleii

TAHA onto chapter two.  
  
Hey!!!! If you want your character adopted into the story, then just say so in a review. lol.  
  
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Narrator: Once again, we find ourselves, scurrying through the darkness of a cave, only now it is damp and covered in mildew.  
  
Alanna: *giggling insanely* Its so.soft.  
  
Jon: Wonderfully comfortable too *Flops down*  
  
George: For something vigorous * looks suggestively at Alanna*  
  
Jon: I don't get it.  
  
Alanna: Do you ever?  
  
Jon: Do I ever what??  
  
George: Jon? Are you a product of cross species and monogender incest?  
  
Jon: ooh.big words. * puffs chest out* Yes!  
  
Alanna: * covers face with hands, stifling laughter * Jon.You are so full of yourself.  
  
Jon: Actually it is impossible for a man to give himself oral pleasure.  
  
George: Not for lack of trying.  
  
Alanna: Eating chocolate is pleasurable.  
  
George: Alanna.um.I think that by oral pleasure he means mouth sex..  
  
Alanna: * eyes widen* Icky!!  
  
Jon: You didn't think so at the time.  
  
George: I'm gunna hurl..*Sways precariously *  
  
George: That is revolting.  
  
Jon: Just like you! * smiles triumphantly.  
  
George: Just like your mom.  
  
Jon: Hey! You leave my mother out of this.  
  
George: Why should I have to? Your mother never left herself out. Infact, I'm sure her favourite part was the 'going in' * Winking at Jon*  
  
Jon: I don't get it.  
  
Alanna: Jon. Do you know what dense means.  
  
Jon: I think so.Stupid?  
  
Alanna: Slow witted, not very good at catching on, mentally deficient. And yes, Stupid.  
  
Narrator: There is a long and very silent pause  
  
Jon: I don't get it. Why bring that up? Why bring dense up?  
  
George: I'm not even going to make a sarcastic comment on this.  
  
Alanna: I think its better that neither of us do.  
  
Jon: Is this the respect you show your king?!?!  
  
Alanna: Actually this is the respect I show a man who got us caught below ground in a dark cave, and who has a smenis.  
  
Jon: HEY! Yesterday you said it was big.  
  
Alanna: Yesterday I was in state of delirium from claustrophobia.  
  
George: Which, by the way is entirely your fault.  
  
Narrator: George points at Jon.  
  
Jon: My fault? MY FAULT?? How is you leading us through a short cut in the forest, which just happens to go across a deep ravine, and then the bridge breaking MY fault!!!  
  
Alanna: It was your fat ass that broke the bridge.  
  
Jon: If I remember correctly, I was the first one on, so it was Georges ass that broke it.  
  
George: ..You obviously don't remember correctly then.  
  
Alanna: Just like you never remember our relationship properly.  
  
Jon: What are you talking about?  
  
Alanna: We never boned.  
  
Jon: What are you on about! We SO did.  
  
Narrator: Rounding a bend, George ran headlong into.  
  
Nayhleii: Watch where you are going, Neanderthal!  
  
Narrator: George is momentarily frozen in time, silenced by the beauty of the figurine before him (THAT'S RIGHT!!!! I'M HOT!!!!) Then instantly, his naturally charismatic personality kicks in.  
  
George: Fair lady.I didn't see you.  
  
Nayhleii: Actually its more like you didn't look. Dumbass.  
  
Jon: * Rubbing his rugged beard in a way he no doubt thought was attractive * Why hello there.. * Purrs *  
  
Nayhleii: What the hell is wrong with you? D'you have beard lice?  
  
Narrator: Thankfully Alanna steps forth to save the men from this killer hottie.  
  
Alanna: Sorry for my arrogant companions Nayhleii. Je m'appelle Alanna.  
  
Nayhleii: It's all good. Oooh you speak French??? A babe with brains. Killer combination.  
  
Alanna: *poses * I know.  
  
George: so. Nayhleii. Do you have a way out of here?  
  
Nayhleii: * Flutters her eyelashes * I dunno, George..May I call you George? I rather like the. closeness of it down here. * runs her fingers up George's thigh. *  
  
Jon: Slut.  
  
Alanna: Nonsense. There is a fine line between manipulating people who can help you, and selling your body.  
  
Jon: You would know. You've got first hand experience.  
  
Narrator: Nayhleii has to go study for her exams, so this chappie is stopping just now. I dunno, which chappie is funnier?? 


	3. Four Goddesses

WHOO welcome Alanna-of-Olau! And AngelAnimeFan  
  
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Narrator: And so we find ourselves in the presence of a seductive Goddess (Nayhleii) Poor Alanna. Having so much competition cant be healthy for her ego.  
  
Nayhleii: So.Jonnie.I hear you own a country.  
  
Narrator: You see. Nayhleii is the ULTIMATE gold digger.  
  
George: Nayhleii. Have I ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?  
  
Nayhleii: Yes.. A number of times, but I will never get bored of it.  
  
Alanna: I have pretty eyes too.right??  
  
Nayhleii: Nothing compared to mine.  
  
Jon: Nayhleii. Tell me once again how much you like rich men.  
  
George: I'm rich. But my money doesn't come by honestly.  
  
Narrator: To which Nayhleii disentangles herself from Jon and throws herself all over George.  
  
Nayhleii: oooh. a rugged bad boy. I like that.  
  
Alanna: George!!! You never got that big when I was around! And your Married to me.  
  
Jon: that's because he didn't get as excited.  
  
George: *looks down* yeah. about that marriage thing.. that might be a problem.  
  
Nayhleii: What can I say? I'm a home wrecker.  
  
Narrator: Suddenly there is a whistling sound and a chick drops from the sky.  
  
Jon: *looking at the chick* I'm not sure how that is possible because there is no sky for miles because we are underground, and the ceiling is only a few inches above my head. but I'm willing to over look that minor detail if she is hot.  
  
George: That is the only acceptably intelligent thing you have said down here. Wait. in your life.  
  
Jon: I take offence to that comment.  
  
George: Good it would have been wasted if you didn't.  
  
Narrator: A thin beam of light comes from no where, pooling around the blonde haired beauty. She is a figure of virgin beauty.  
  
Alanna-of-Olau: Hello. I am the ultimate sexy, appealing virgin beauty.  
  
Nayhleii: Hello. I am the seductive, hottie goddess.  
  
Alanna: Hello. I am the whiney power hungry clueless kinkster.  
  
AngelAnimeFan: Hello. I am the absolutely breath stoppingly stunning black haired bitch from hell. Hot like a devil.  
  
Narrator: George and Jon where to busy ogling the perfections before them to notice that AngelAnimeFan had not been there moments before.  
  
Narrator: Nayhleii, Alanna-of-Olau and Alanna herself were too busy flaunting what they got to notice her arrival.  
  
Jon: Take it off!  
  
AngelAnimeFan: Not for you.  
  
Jon: Aww.Why not?  
  
AngelAnimeFan: Because your pathetic and Ugly.  
  
Alanna-of-Olau: No your not Jon. Don't listen to her. You're a wonderful person.On the outside.  
  
Alanna: Aren't you supposed to be the ultimate gentle angel???  
  
Alanna-of-Olau: Your not always whiney, power hungry and clueless. Your never a kinkster. So *sticks tongue out*  
  
Nayhleii: Children, Stop it.  
  
George: *Still Oggling*  
  
AngelAnimeFan: George. Close your moth. Keep atleast some of your pride. For the love of god.  
  
Nayhleii: Actually wont love you, but do it for the sake of pride anyway.  
  
Alanna: JON!!! THAT IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE!!!  
  
Alanna-of-Olau: *Edges away from Jon, frightened.*  
  
Alanna: THERE WILL BE NO ASS PINCHING TODAY!!!!  
  
Jon: *hopeful* Tomorrow?  
  
George: I'm hungry.  
  
AngelAnimeFan: You can eat me.  
  
Nayhleii: Keep it in your pants AngelAnimeFan.  
  
AngelAnimeFan: But Jon doesn't have too. *Pout*  
  
Narrator: New aquantances, and plenty more fun coming up in the next chapter. 


	4. Chaperone

Chapter FOUR me Amigos.  
  
In which we hire a chaperone (Mrs. Captain Jack Sparrow). but she will be absent on Tuesday for bingo, and Wednesday morning for aqua size: water aerobics.  
  
And an excruciatingly short tempered knight comes. Alanna's match made in heaven.  
  
CHARACTERS: (This is more for the author than the audience)  
  
Mrs. Captain Jack Sparrow (Mrs. CJS)  
  
FlamingKnight: Hot tempered. Very hot tempered.  
  
AngelAnimeFan: The absolutely breath stoppingly stunning black haired bitch from hell. Hot like a devil.  
  
Alanna-of-Olau: The ultimate sexy, appealing virgin beauty  
  
Nayhleii: The seductive, hottie goddess.  
  
Alanna: The whiney power hungry clueless kinkster.  
  
George: The Rugged Bad Ass Thief.  
  
Jon: The Whiney Spoiled Handsome Prince  
  
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Narrator: Monday Morning. Not that this information is important. It is still dark in the cave..  
  
Author: *accepts cookie from FlamingKnight*  
  
Alanna: I WANT A COOKIE!!!!  
  
AngelAnimeFan: No. It will go straight to your ass.  
  
Nayhleii: She needs it.  
  
Alanna-of-Olau: No she doesn't. She is beautiful. in a squinty drowned rat from Jupiter kind of way.  
  
Alanna: Squinty.Rat.Jupiter! BITCH!!!  
  
AngelAnimeFan: I'd thank you not to give away my title without my permission.  
  
Mrs. CJS: Now, Now Dearie. No Cursing. It is not language that the lord permits.  
  
George: Who the hell are you?  
  
Narrator: The Chaperone that Jon hired without the knowledge of anyone else, names Mrs CJS, whips out a cane an beats George in the head with it.  
  
Mrs. CJS: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT SWERING?!?!  
  
Jon: Well Done Mrs. Captain Jack Sparrow. I Approve.  
  
Mrs. CJS: I don't need your darn tootin' approval. The only acceptance I seek is with the lord.  
  
Nayhleii: That's Lord- ESS to you.  
  
FlamingKnight: Is this young woman bullying you Miss? *to Mrs. CJS*  
  
Nayhleii: I wouldn't call her young.  
  
AngelAnimeFan: Or distinguishably woman.  
  
Alanna: RAT guys?! Honestly. Why not Pussy Cat or something?  
  
George: Or just plain Pussy..*Under his Breath*  
  
FlamingKnight: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO A LADY!!!!!!!!!  
  
Alanna-Of-Olau: Even though I am the kind virgin beauty, I feel left out when I am excluded from the bouts of sarcastic quips, I am going to participate, but on a below average level.  
  
Alanna-Of-Olau: *Continuing as if she hadn't just sprouted her personal opinion* How can we be sure she's a lady. She doesn't have a body like one.  
  
Jon: That's Right! Shoulda Married ME I coulda paid for one.  
  
Alanna: *gnaws on Jon's Shoulder * Prick!!!  
  
Jon: No But I have one.  
  
Nayhleii: And I get called seductive when I nibble on him.  
  
George: Liam was right when he said you were too manly for a man. I'm leaving you.  
  
AngelAnimeFan: For another Man.  
  
George: For Nayhleii.  
  
AngelAnimeFan: Another Man.  
  
Nayhleii: Excuse me, Bitch from Hell. But I am Seductive Goddess.  
  
Mrs. CJS: Again with the language Dearie. This has got to stop.  
  
AngelAnimeFan: Hey.old Lady.Can it.  
  
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That all for today folks. Love yah read and review. Thank yah tons. 


	5. I'm REALLY SORRY

Unfortunetly Mrs. CJS must leave us tonight. BINGO PEOPLE!!!!!  
  
WELCOME TO OUR COMPLETELY MENTALLY UNSTABLE RANKS: Arlyali  
  
CHARACTERS: (This is more for the author than the audience)  
  
Mrs. Captain Jack Sparrow (Mrs. CJS): the Chaperone!! (much loved)  
  
FlamingKnight: Hot tempered. Very hot tempered.  
  
AngelAnimeFan: The absolutely breath stoppingly stunning black haired bitch from hell. Hot like a devil.  
  
Alanna-of-Olau: The ultimate sexy, appealing virgin beauty  
  
Nayhleii: The seductive, hottie goddess.  
  
Alanna: The whiney power hungry clueless kinkster.  
  
George: The Rugged Bad Ass Thief.  
  
Jon: The Whiney Spoiled Handsome Prince  
  
Arlyali: Sucky mage who is head over heels...or rather head over left feet in love with George. What a spicy hourglass she is.  
  
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Narrator: Tuesday night...BINGO NIGHT!!!!!  
  
Mrs. CJS: My golly bless my bones, I think tonight is a winner! *cheers*  
  
Nayhleii: I'm not sure exactly how frightened I ought to be of an old person dancing. *Wide eyes*  
  
AngelAnimeFan: Of this one? Very frightened.  
  
Mrs. CJS: *dances away joyously*  
  
Jon: There goes my only protection. From you beasts.  
  
Alanna: I am assuming that by beast you mean RAT GIRL right? (No I am still not over that...)  
  
AngelAnimeFan: Only for you Alanna. For the rest of us he is just shortening the term Sexy, Attractive, Arousing. Seductive, stunning, spicey Hottie Beasts.  
  
Alanna-Of-Olau: Actually, Only I am described as Sexy, Nayhleii is the only seductive one. You are the ONLY Stunning one. Arlyali is the only Spicy one. And ...*trails off*  
  
Alanna: And what about me?  
  
Nayhleii: You are the rat girl. Remember? We already settled this.  
  
George: I'd thank you not to talk to my wife like that.  
  
Alanna- of-Olau: I hate to be the one to have to point this out, but mere hours ago you were pledging your undying love for Nayhleii over there.  
  
Arlyali: Plus George, We all know I am the one for you.  
  
George: *cough* Remember that love spell you TRIED to do?  
  
AngelAnimeFan: Emphasis on tried.  
  
George: The one where I was supposed to 'fall' for you, and in actual fact I jumped off the top of a building to get to you when you cast it?  
  
Arlyali: I have no idea what you are talking about *beet red*  
  
Nayhleii: *loud whisper* Good cover!  
  
Jon: I don't want to play this anymore. Its getting BORING.  
  
Narrator: Everyone's eyes turn simultaneously to Jon...  
  
Jon: Why are you all looking at me like that?! What??? WHAT?!?!?!  
  
Narrator: As if by Magic (Actually as if by the author writing it in) everyone in the group got the same idea... and evil idea...  
  
Alanna: Jon...You don't much like having your smenis made fun of do you.  
  
Jon: *pout* No. Not that I have one.  
  
Nayhleii: *Loud whisper* Good Cover!  
  
AngelAnimeFan: GET THE SMALL PENISED LOSER!!!!  
  
Narrator: Everyone attacked Jon! Except...  
  
Arlyali: *attacks George*  
  
George: HEY!  
  
Arlyali: oh...yeah...sorry about that. *Still lying on George, pinning him to the ground.*  
  
George: You could get off now?  
  
Arlyali: Oh yeah...that one....  
  
Narrator: Jon is promptly tied to the roof on the cave COMPLETEYL NAKED.  
  
Alanna: *beams* I told you it wasn't that small.  
  
AngelAnimeFan: Well it must be day. Just wait until it gets cold out...  
  
Alanna-of-Olau: Hey...Jon? Are you ticklish??? *Evil Grin*  
  
FlamingKnight: I'm not in this one much, but I am still adorable and hot tempered!!!  
  
FlamingKnight: And I don't approve of this Man being stripped of his humanity!  
  
Narrator: All Eyes turn to FlamingKnight.  
  
FlamingKnight: I'm SORRY!!!! REALLY SORRY!!! *tied to Roof naked next to Jon*  
  
Nayhleii: *Tapping lower lip* I didn't know they came that small.... 


End file.
